You need to report
problems associated with the many little and big things interfering with your
life, including unfair and hostile acts to inconvenience, harass, embarrass and
intimidate you in your relationship, your marriage or your
So many "little" things all add up and are a form of
Are you embarrassed to share with others what is happening
to you or your loved ones?
Now you can safely report exactly what is happening in your life and
the abuse and suffering you are
or tell us about the simplest of problems that all add up and make
your life very difficult.
When most people think of domestic violence,
emotional abuse doesn't often come to mind. They visualize bruises
and broken bones, not the emotional scars that are often hidden by
Mental and verbal abuse slowly tears down a person's self esteem
after years of being worn down by constant criticism.
The following article can help you to
understand the effects of emotional abuse and how it is inflicted.
1. "Sticks and stones won’t break my bones” – and words won’t leave
any measurable physical damage, but they will cause progressive,
long-term harm. Never underestimate the power of words: words are
used to brainwash.
Being told you are “stupid”, “ugly”, “lazy” or “worthless” is never
acceptable. The first times you hear it, it will hurt, naturally. In
time you “may get used to” hearing it from a partner. That’s when
you start to internalize and believe it. When that happens you are
doing the other person’s work of putting you down for them. This is
why your feelings of self-worth suffer increasingly over time.
The good news is that just as words have been used to bring you
down, you can learn to harness the power of words to build you up
and restore your confidence and belief in yourself.
2. You are always told that it’s your fault. Somehow, whatever
happens, however it starts, the ultimate blame is always yours.
Notice that we are talking ultimate blame here. The blaming partner
will always tell you that their behavior was caused by what you said
or did. In fact, their argument runs along the lines that you can’t
possibly blame them for anything, because if you hadn’t said what
you said, or done what you did it would never have happened.
3. You’re more inclined to believe your partner than you are to
believe yourself. Have you ever reeled with a sense of hurt and
injustice, or seethed with anger at the way you’ve been treated?
Have you found yourself asking: “Is it reasonable to feel like
this?” “Am I misinterpreting things?” “Have I got it wrong?”
If this is you, what it means is that you have become so brainwashed
you’ve stopped trusting in your own judgment. Your mind keeps
throwing up the observations and questions because, deep down, you
know that what is happening is utterly wrong. But right now you
can’t feel the strength of your own convictions.
4. You need your partner to acknowledge your feelings. Have you ever
really tried to make your partner hear what you are saying and
apologize for the hurtful things they’ve said? Have you ever felt
that only they can heal the pain they’ve caused?
Does your need for them to validate your feelings keep you hooked
into the relationship?
When a partner constantly denies or refuses to listen to your
feelings, that is, unquestionably, mental abuse.
5. Your partner blows hot and cold. He or she can be affectionate
but often highly critical of you. He or she may tell you how much
they love you, yet are short on care or consideration towards you.
In fact, some of the time, maybe even a lot of the time, you are
treated as if you were disliked.
You do everything you can to make your partner happy, but it’s never
good enough. You’re more like the pet dog in the relationship than
you are the equal partner. Your constant efforts to get attention
and please him or her meet with limited success.
If you find yourself puzzling about how your partner can treat you
that way, it is because you are trying to live in a love-based
relationship, when in reality you are living in a control-based
relationship. The mental abuser struggles with his or her own
feelings of worthlessness and uses the relationship with you to
create a feeling of personal power, at your expense.
6. You feel as if you are constantly walking on eggshells. There is
a real degree of fear in the relationship. You have come to dread
your partner's outbursts, the offending things that your partner
will find to say to you. (Maybe the same anxiety and need to please
spills over into your other relationships also.)
Fear is not part of a loving relationship, but it is a vital part of
a mentally abusive relationship. It enables the abuser to maintain
control over you.
7. You can heal. Mentally abusive relationships cause enormous
emotional damage to the loving partner who tries, against all odds,
to hold the relationship together and, ultimately, can’t do it,
because the partner is working against him or her.
Whether you are currently in a mentally abusive relationship, have
left one recently, or years later are still struggling with the
anxieties and low self-worth and lack of confidence caused by
emotional abuse, it is never too late to heal.
But you do need to work with a person or a program specifically
geared to mental abuse recovery.
Men or women who have suffered mental abuse expect radical change of
themselves, and they expect it right away. This is why they often
struggle and, not uncommonly, take up with another abusive partner.
Mental abuse recovery is a gradual process. Low self-worth and
limiting beliefs about what kind of future the abuse sufferer can
ever hope for are the blocks that can stop women from moving on. But
they are blocks that you can clear very effectively. Just as
language was once used to harm you, you can now learn how language
can heal you. You can overcome past emotional abuse and keep
yourself safe from it in the future. You can also learn to feel
strong, believe in yourself and create the life and the
relationships you truly want.